As the young knight headed off into the forest, the dark closed in behind him. He was unaware of the eyes the followed in the distance.

The knight walked aimless and uncomfortable. Unsure of where he was going, and unsure of what to think. The path that both his mind and body took was perhaps not the best. But then what is the right path? Is there ever a right path, or is it about the decisions we make along that path that make it right? Robert Frost took the path less travelled and to him, that has made all the difference but I wonder if it wasn't really about the path, but the choice he made. Surely a path, in and of its self holds no morality but the intent with which it is engaged makes all the difference.

Unfortunately for the young wounded knight, the intention with which he now travelled this road was not one of redemption but more of escape. Actually it was more than that fore the Knight had already escaped the danger that initially wounded him. Now he was running future from the source in an effort to escape the pain. The young prince hadn’t realised yet that the pain was within him and emanating from the wound he refused to addressed and wouldn't allow others to help with. Pressing on into the heart of the forest, the knight hoped the pain would leave him - but it didn't.

The world sighed and wondered why humans did this to themselves. Why did they eternally try and run from themselves? For creatures that usually possessed the ability to logically consider and react, Humans also seemed to be the only creations that also tried to leave themselves behind. Other creations didn't exhibit the same tendency to run from themselves - sure they would run from danger or threat. They would leave an area if beaten in a fight but this was always because of an external factor. Humans were the only ones that found themselves to be a threat to their own existence and wanted to run from themselves. How odd these human beings are, the world thought. And the world was right.

As the knight moved through the forest, so too did his mind. It wondered through the past adventure from his training through to the recent ‘attack’ of the Raevac in the forest – or was it an attack he wondered… at any rate the young prince wasn’t going to stick around and find out.

The mind is a wondering creature, much like it’s human container in which it resides. A mind will wonder seemingly aimlessly unless it’s kept in check. Like a dog walking out the gate and down the road – a mind may not seem like it has a destination in mind but it knows that it’s on the move and heading in a consistent direction yet it knows not where it will stop.

So wondered the knights mind into a dark forest of it’s own. It wondered past fights and remember battles it had failed in and it wondered if the battle had been lost because of it. The mind meandered through the low-lands of rejection by the princess in the tower and it dwelt in the shade of the “what if” tree where it considered all the things it should have said that might just have made the princess see the knight differently. As the young knights mind strolled unchecked it took the young knight to a place where he felt very third rate, not just second rate but below that. Where others were first-rate and succeeded in life, second-rate knights won some and lost some but overall came out on top. But the Prince felt third-rate – That place where… well it’s a hard place to describe and the knight couldn’t put into words what that place felt like. It was similar to when you were at school and being picked for a game. Your friends would all line up and the two captains would take turns choosing the best players and slowly everyone would be picked before you. Usually you would finally be picked reluctantly and added to a team. But this time the prince felt like he hadn’t even been picked – one team had decided they would rather play with one less player than to have him on their team. The knight figured it was better to leave the game and stand on the sidelines, but as his mind wondered more be begun to think it would be better if he didn’t stay to watch the game because it hurt too much.

When there is such a burning desire to play the game and be good at it, but you simply aren’t that good – what do you do? You can practice and practice until you are good enough but while you practice, so are the others and you all increase in skill and find that you are still last to be picked or worse, not picked at all.

The young knights mind and feet continued to wonder unchecked while the knight focused on the pain in his chest. He didn’t know how long it would take for the wound to heal but he was determined to diminish the pain so he kept walking ignoring the growing pangs of hunger and the internal warning signs that danger was immanent.

The knight dreamed as he lay on the moss. The place he had drifted off to was not death but another dreamland where there was an fantastic joy that overcame the young prince. Two things where abundantly clear in the dreamworld in which he now resided 1)There was no pain, in fact it was better than just no pain, there was overwhelming joy 2) The knight was no longer the knight, he was someone else who had won the battles and come through victorious. There were scares on this new body but he couldn't tell you how they had got there, and for the moment he didn't care to try and remember. He just wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasted.

Dreams have a powerful way of highlighting the wants and desires of the heart. They facilitated the imaginings of a wild heart that has until now been bound in reality. In a dream you can live through the most fantastic and horrifying scenarios. The prince was dreaming of a life better lived. In his dream he had managed to rid himself of the two things that had caused him the most pain for the longest time- his heart, and himself.

In the moments that passed for the knight, he lay there and dreamed with a broken heart of a life he wish he had.

Why are hearts so uncontrollable? from where do they get their ability to deny and ignore all the realities around them? They cling to hope which should have logically long left these shores. A heart is the most wild thing the world has ever encountered. There is no stopping a heart when it sets its way; Neither bricks nor brilliance can dissuade it. There is nothing that can confine a heart that has known freedom before and yearns to have it back.

Their is nothing as beautiful as a heart set free to be all it was destined to be, and nothing more disappointing than a heart which has never been allowed to really live. A heart is a lot like a captive bear, elephant, or other animal chained from birth. The animal which is bound from birth learns early that it simply can not be free from its bonds. Later in life it won't bother to test the thin chain. So to a heart bound and suppressed from birth never really lives the way it somehow knows it could.

The knights heart had lived free once before and now felt and constraints of reality it simply would not accept. Sinking into the moss would never be enough for this young heart and somewhere deep inside the knight, it began to stir. Even as it realised it would have to leave the dreamworld for the constraints and pain of reality which would immediately enveloped it. The Knights heart cried out to the young prince. It cried for freedom, I cried out for revenge, it cried out for a life that was not finished.

And so, like all things, dreams never last forever. The young prince was called back from his dreamland by his own heart. As strange as that may seem, the knight had relented and very nearly given up but his heart, the very thing that was most damaged, would not let him give up on the account of it. his heart refused to be the reason the young prince never carried on. His heart pulled him from the place it so desperately wanted to be.

Hearts have a bizarre ability to see things for the value they really have. The knights heart was not content to live someone else's dream. It wanted life, and all it had to offer. the young princes heart had set its way to live it's own adventure and nothing would stop his heart from achieving all it hand inside it.

The Knight stirred in his moss mattress. The moss reached up around the young prince as if to call him back to the dream. But it was to late for the moss. Pain gripped the knights chest again and he called out as the shaft of the arrow gripped on the inside of the Armour and let go. the knight was alive again and the Raevac moved in...

The Raevac watched the young prince sit in the dampend moss undergrowth of the forest. Not the cleanest place to sit but for right now it was perfect. The knight leaned back into the soft earth and removed his helment, turned it around a looked at it. The lower part of the right neck guard was dented, the plum was full of foliage, the pin that held his visor onto the right side was lose and not holding the visor in place well.  The first  thought that ran through the knights head was how much of a disgrace his armour was, then the second thought followed quickly "I don't care, no one cares what my armour looks like. I'm in the middle of a forest where I'm meant to be 'being a knight' and I've stuffed it all up. What the heck does it matter now what my armour looks like? It can't protect me against the very thing that will cause me the most damge - myself"

Sitting the in warm black under growth the prince began to recount his experience. The training he had received, the battels along the way, the dragon, the castle, the princess, and now the forest. For the first time in a long time he felt safe here. His whole life he'd been told the the dangers a forest could hold; How he should watch out for traps, wild animals, bandits etc. The Forest was meant to be a dnagerous place yet he felt safe here compared to the 'safer' world he had just left.

As the knight sat pondering the world, that very same world kept moving oblivious to the knight. And why should the world care if the knight was tired, sleeping, relenting, releasing, removing himself from it. In the soft shadow of the forest, the world couldn't see the knight as he lay. the world didn't notice the wound deep in his chest. I'm sure it's not that the world doesn't care, it's just that there is so much else going on that the world couldn't do anything even if it did know. Mother earth would craefully accept the young prince back should he chose to return but otherwise it had the rest of life to get on with.  So the  knight  sat there and bleed back to where he had first come.

On the outside of his armour there was a small pucker and hole where the arrow had struck. The physical damage on the outside was little. Nothing a hammer and small patch couldn't fix. the armour itself would be back to knew and stronger in that place that ever before. But it wasnt the armour that was the problem now, it was the wound beneath the armour. The knight has since broken off the penetrating arrow, or at least it appeard that way from the outside. The truth was known only to the knight who still felt the pain everytime he breathed. The remaining shaft of the arrow lay deep in his heart but causing pain and holding damaged flesh in place. as he deathed the sahft would scrap against the inside of his armour. The young prince wasn't sure whether to pull the remaining arrow out and free himself from the infliction, or if pulling the shaft out would pull with it damaged fleesh and tear away at vital little healthy heart that was left. He began to care less and less as the soft moss molded to his body. Lying back, he positioned his chest plate as far away from the wound as possible so it would not rub. He closed his eyes and left for another world.

The Raevac just watched as the knight drifted away; possibly the only one who knew what was happening, possibly the only one who could help, and the only one that knew that the night needed to choose before the Raevac chould help. The Raevac poised ready to help, waiting for a sign of need, waiting to see if the young prince would make one last effort to repeal the pain and make his choice.

And the young prince disappeared into the forest at the end of the valley. The forest was thick but not dense. That is to say that once in it's life it would have been a very think, solid, and difficult forest to travel through, but now the forest was think but easy to move through. Trees and brunches didn't really put up a fight as the young prince moved through it. In fact they almost sighed with resignation as he moved through. Branches and most just sort of dropped to the ground and it was clear the tree from which it had fallen, made no effort to replace the dismembered parts.

As the knight travelled on his way, dust, most, leaves, and other debris from the wilting forest began to cover him, just a light dust at first but it gathered more and more. The knight could feel it starting to cling to his damp skin. It didn't feel good.

Our prince wasn't doing very well. He'd been part of a fairly rough adventure so far, not that this was a bad thing. Adventures aren't meant to be easy or safe really. I don't think many people would go on them if they were. A good adventure has a huge dose of the unknown in it, and hopefully that means challenges and risks. But when people think about going on an adventure I wonder how often they consider that the risks might actually be hard to deal with? That threats are often not happy things, they are nasty and painful. And that human beings, no matter what we say, don't really like to much uncertainly in our lives.

It didn't seem like such a fun adventure to the young prince now. In fact he was wondering what the heck he was actually doing at this point. The adventure was meant to be to find the girl, rescue her, and live happily ever after. Why hadn't it worked out that way? Where the heck had this adventure gone wrong? Maybe, he thought, he should have just picked the first tower he came across, busted down the door, knocked the princess out cold, carried her back home, and lived happily ever after. It certainly would have saved all the pain and confusion he was experiencing now. He breathed a deep breath and felt a surge of pain shoot from his wounded chest down his right leg.

The forest, while dark and dead, seemed familiar and peaceful. The young prince felt at home in the withering, resigned forest that wanted to grow but couldn't. He sat down and thought about how comfortable he was there. Maybe this is where he should stay. He didn't want to go home again now that he had stuffed up the great adventure. Maybe he could make a home for himself in the forest.

And so the knight began to relax and rest for the first time since before he had entered the dark valley. Perhaps it was the physical exhaustion, maybe it was the dark light that made his body think it was time to sleep, or maybe the forest impressed upon him its resignation. What ever it was, the Raevac was not pleased. "This isn't good. This isn't a good place to get comfortable right now. This lad needs to keep moving" thought the Raevac.

[Please read A wasted night - part two before reading this]

[A story I wrote a while ago and posted on myspace. I'm going to cross post it now and think about writing some more of it. I'm not a writer so go easy on me, or just ignore it all together.]

There was once a knight, well he was a knight but he was young, first years out of knight school. Ha-ha get it night school Knight School... So anyway, our knight was a great fella. Even though he was young and had only been in a few battles, he had gained the wisdom and strength to survive.

In the days our knight lived in, many terrible things had been done to lots of people, especially beautiful young damsels. Some of these young damsels had been taken away and locked in towers. Often, these towers were very old and dangerous places. Some even had dragons that lived around them who were told to guard these damsels, so that no one can ever get near them. The rumour amongst the knights was that these beautiful women were the best that ever existed. I don't mean just physical beauty; these were women with whom no women from any other country could compare (at least thats what the knights believed). These women were smart, elegant, captivating, intelligent, dedicated girls who had been taught by the best. Perhaps that's why they had been locked up; maybe they were seen as threats.

The knights were often exhorted to take on the most dangerous and challenging adventure that there was the rescuing of one of these beauties from their towers. Now this was no mean feat! First he must find a tower with a beauty just waiting to be rescued. Once the tower was found, the knight would often have to travel great distances to get near the tower (always in some really deep valley, or on a titanic mountain). Our young knight thought about the wisdom and beauty of these damsels and realised that there was a lot to be gained from such an adventure; but being so young, he had no idea how to find one or where to look. There were many older, wise knights that had already been on such an adventure and they had many wise things to say. They offered to guide and help the young knight prepare for such a journey. But all of them said that in the end the young knight must embark on this adventure alone, and walk the path knowing that he was loved and cared for at home but that that was all he could take for support.

So after many years of waiting and preparing for the adventure to rescue a trapped princess, the young knight set out. The trip would take several months at the shortest and many two years or more at the other end. He knew there would be many battles to fight along the way, many lonely cold nights. Several times he would see other knights that had died along the way, there was nothing that scared him more than seeing a knight that lay in the middle of a sunny field but had been killed. Sometimes there was not even the sign of a battle or fight at all. It just seemed that these knights had died of nothing more than an abandoned heart. These others knights had simply found the first part of the adventure to hard. The young knight wondered why that was as this was meant to be the easiest part of the adventure.

After several months the knight, who was gaining more understanding and wisdom by the week, came into view of valley that held a very precious princess. She was more precious than any other that had been known before her, and than anyone could foresee coming after. Because of her captivating life, she had been locked in the deepest, darkest valley that anyone had ever seen. In fact, the valley was so steep, rough, and deep that no light ever shone down onto the tower, which stood hundreds of meters below. The young knight looked over the edge and could see no way down. There were sheer cliffs on both sides, and the gorge stretched for miles. This problem was huge, but still, it was only one of many that the young knight had overcome through the past months. Sometimes the problems needed a very gentle approach and some time. Then again there were situations that need a deep commitment to jump in with both feet. This was certainly a problem, but the knight found the means needed to scale the walls.

The next part was the dragon. Our young knight had found his way down the walls and discovered the remains of many a knight. Some of the armour had claw marks from the dragons. They looked like they had been torn open like a can opener wound. But the thing that caught the attention of the young knight was that some of these knights had arrows through their armour. This was most curious as there was no one around here and the only people that ever came here were knights travelling alone. Who could have shot these arrows at the knights? Our young hero decided that these arrows must have been wounds that had been sustained the in fierce battles when trying to get to this place. Still, the young knight thought that he should remember this, as he was always taught to be attentive to his surroundings and the stories that dead men do tell.

The dragon proved vicious and nasty - he had particularly bad breath that smelt of rotting flesh. As the young knight fought the dragon and finally beat it back to the point where he could finally kill the beast he remembered a wise saying that he had once been told by his mentors - "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." He looked into the face of the dragon as it lay battered and helpless. The dragon spoke and made a pact to spare his life, and the knight granted the request. They agreed to allow mutual passage away from this horrible valley where the dragon had been guarding the princess for so long. As a token of his appreciation for sparing his life, the dragon spoke of several different paths that could be taken to the tower; he also guided the young knight past several pitfalls that had been well hidden in order to trap anyone that got past the dragon.

Our hero survived and made it up to the tower. Upon reaching the top he could see the door that leads to the princess room. The lock on the door was very strong, yet with the long years it had rusted to the point where it would simply fall open with the swing of his sword. The young knight took a moment to thank the Lord for all He had brought him through, to thank God for the blessings that had been bestowed upon him, and also to ask for the wisdom to treat this beauty with all the respect and grace that such a princes of the most high deserved.

As the knight prayed he could hear the princess inside praying. She too was speaking to God, asking for the prince of her dreams to come and rescue her. She asked for a man of daring, integrity, honesty, loyalty and many other things. As the young knight heard her pray, he thought back over the adventure he had come on and remembered all the things he had experienced and learned in the process. And while our young prince would never have thought it, he had gathered all the things this princess was asking for. But such things are never seen on the surface, they only ever really get seen on the journey back home when they are together. Such things as honesty and integrity cannot be explained or interviewed for; they are learned, and then seen in the hard times that ensue after. And so both the prince and the princess had grown into things that they were not before they began their adventures.

With a swing of his sword, the prince laid open the door. The princes looked around, saw the prince and then quickly sat down on her stool. She looked at him and asked if he would sit and speak with her a while. The young knight was both relieved and bemused. He thought to himself "Surely this fair maiden knows how hard the journey has been to get her; why is she not overjoyed that she has been rescued?" - but the knight was too tired to argue at that moment. He sat down as the princess began to unravel a long scroll. The princess began to speak and asked the prince many things about himself. As the prince spoke, he could not help but feel that he was being measured against a list. The beauty asked about the experiences he had encountered. These were not always easy for the knight to talk about. Some had been traumatic and broken his heart, others he had never talked about with anyone and had no words to describe what he had experienced. For some reason, this was not acceptable to the young princess, and the knight began to become very worried that something had gone horribly wrong in this room. As he gained his breath from the adventure he had just been on for months, he tried to explain that life was a journey and there were many things that had to be experienced to be fully understood. But the princess did not listen; she continued to look at her list.

Finally the Christian princess looked up and said to the young knight, "You can not take me from this tower. You don't meet the requirements on my list." The young knight stood up and stumbled backwards, completely dumbfounded. He had experienced many surprises in his life, many unexpected battles and twists in the path he had walked, but this was not something he had ever experienced before. As he stammered, trying to ask questions, to try to explain, the princess picked up her bow and drew an arrow. Aiming at the young knight, she said, "Leave me alone and never come back to this tower! I am waiting for my knight to come rescue me. Don't even try anything with me; do you think I don't know how to shoot an arrow? Take a look outside at the many I have wounded, and some even killed!"

As the sun began to set on the story of the young knight, the world kept moving. Perhaps it didn't notice the passing of such a young and vibrant light, or maybe the world had seen it all before. Perhaps the world had stopped caring, because it too had realised that to care is to hurt and with a world so full of people and lives being extinguished before their time, the world would only be a sad place all the time. So maybe the world knew something that we don't. At any rate, we will never know because we can't ask the world what wisdom it had, more is the pity. And so the world went on and time passed. The story of knights kept being told; some of them lived and others died, because not all knights can be winners and get the girl. If they were all winners there would be no adventure, because every adventure must have risk. Why, if it weren't for the risk, there would be no thrill and no story to tell! - And so is the way of life. And along with many a brave and valiant man, our young night was mourned and missed, and then forgotten. But he wasn't dead, at least not yet